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Song Of The Day 7/25/2013: Wreckless Eric - "Personal Hygiene"

In this tune the gifted Wreckless Eric gives you some intrusively specific instructions on proper grooming habits. For example: "Garnish your bottom with powder / Wipe it with paper / Wash it with embers and pumicing stones."

I've done lots of things to my bottom. I will tell you three things I have never done to my bottom: (a) garnish it with anything; (b) wash it with hot flaming embers; and (c) rake an abrasive pumicing stone against it. Now I'm wondering if I have been neglectful towards it by not doing any of these things, but then again, in these situations I like to turn the question to my faithful readers.

So, I suppose my question to you is... well, I have several.

1. In addition to powder, is there anything else it's fair to garnish one's bottom with? Parsley? Julienned baby carrots? Ornamental mats?

2. Have you ever washed your bottom -- or any other part of yourself, really -- with hot flaming embers?

2a. If "Yes," does it matter what kind of wood you use? Hickory or mesquite?

3. Is there some sort of attachment created for the purpose of running a pumicing stone against your own bottom for maximum coverage? Or do you just use strategically placed mirrors?

This kind of thing raises more questions than it answers. Don't think about it too hard though. Here's a picture of a pumicing stone.

Comments

Anonymous said…
As Lester Bangs once noted – not in print, mind you, but rather during a rather derisive 6 a.m. Happy Hour at the Reef – Wreckless Eric is the Jorge Luis Borges of the pop music world. Both stumbled out of their respective pubs in Buenos Aires and Sussex one Friday night onto the world stage and both seem to have it in for Bishop Berkeley. But of greater importance is both – like a “party seven” of Watney's Red Barrel – sent their audiences reeling, scratching their noggins and wondering “What the heck are they talking about?”

If Wreckless Eric's “Personal Hygiene” is a labyrinth from which we find no exit, his “Whole Wide World” is a moment of metaphysical clarity that sold a lot of copies. Originally released in 1976 to commemorate the U. K.'s bicentennial of throwing off the yoke of her American colonies, it was revived briefly in 2006 when it appeared in the navel-gazing scene of Eric Goulden's “Ten Things that Bother Me about Your Brother,” where Will Farrell serenades Michelle Meyrink with the tune. Few folks know I was Farrell's mandolin stand-in for the scene.

The lyrics to that tune concern a fellow who is willing to travel anywhere in the world to meet the girl of his dreams. He mentions both Tahiti and the Bahamas as possible destinations. Thus, he is a man struck by “island fever:” that blindness against the existence of continents and their inhabitants (cf. Manhattan). Though why he fails to consider going to Kaffeklubben Island just off the northern tip of Greenland is beyond my understanding.
July 25, 2013 at 2:59 PM
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