Song Of The Day 8/11/2013: David Fonesca - "Rocket Man"

Quarterly Covers Report: Sorry I'm late. I had to take three different highways to get here because I got lost. The traffic on LaCienega was brutal. Let me just get set up here, and in the meantime you guys can have a go at the donuts. I'll just...

Where're the donuts?

Nobody brought donuts?

Why am I going to all this trouble if nobody remembers to bring the donuts? Budget cutbacks my ass. This is the Quarterly Covers Report. You have to have donuts.

I don't care what austerity measures we're taking, this meeting is pointless without donuts. We could be doing this in the middle of the Mojave Desert in blazing heat with no electronics, I have to draw all my charts and graphs in the sand, and there are no chairs or tables or anything. Guess what? All that would be just fine with me, as long as we have donuts. We are functionally useless without donuts.

Really? You can run over to Dunkin' now and pick up a dozen? That's a wonderful solution, buddy. Great problem-solving you did just there. Of course it would have been even better if you came to this great conclusion an hour and a half ago, but better astoundingly late than never. Yeah. Yeah. We'll see you in a bit.

All right, so, you all have copies of the QCR. I'll direct you to page 14... yes, the doc's over 2,000 pages, so we'll just hit the highlights. Now then, as you can see, revenue went up 4%, expenses were down 13%, we only had to lay off half the work force this quarter. Yes, I had to let go of my children. Look, you meet numbers or you don't. They're taking it quite well. The burning effigy of me was... well, kids'll be kids, you know? I didn't know my 1-year-old could spit that far, have to say I was impressed.

Internationally, I think it's fair to say Australia's doing well and the Swedes are pissed at us. Who knows what the deal is with those hot-headed Swedes. They're all hopped up on lutefisk and Bergman. Good God a-mighty, is there any food in Sweden that does not use dill? Ah, screw it. They're pissed, they're pissed. I don't care. Let 'em come over here and disassemble our shelving units and attack us with liquid moisturizer.

The arson campaign's going well. Three-quarters of our gross income came from insurance payouts. I'd like to thank the North Dakota Militia for their assistance in pulling that off. Finally, good work on capping our travel budget. As you can see, the only real expense we incurred was heading to a Renton Circle K for cigarettes and incense... curiously, though, we forgot to buy a lighter. I thought that requirement was, you know, self-evident considering the rest of the order, but I suppose some of you guys need hand-holding more than...

What? No donuts? Well, what did you get instead... wh-what do you call these?

"Cronuts"? What the hell's a cronut? Gimme that one. This better be worth it...

Oh... oh...

...oh...

Oh, this is good. This is soooooo goooood. Oh. Ooooooooh.... I....

Ah, forget it, guys, meeting adjourned. I'm just going to stretch out on this conference table for a few minutes... oh....  oh...

...cronuts....