Song Of The Day 5/7/2014: Donatan & Cleo - "My Słowianie (We Are Slavic)"

I’m Ovision – Eurovision!: Today's 2014 Eurovision Song Contestant is from Poland. It's...

...wha...

...holy...

Listen guys. Stop the contest. We have a winner. Stop singing. Everybody just pack up your acrobats and your streamers and your craft services, because this contest is done. Finito.

There is no way this top-heavy video can be topped. There is no way you can defeat this astounding video from producer/musician Donatan, which I suppose is the Polish word for "Pitbull." This says everything about traditional Slavic life. It covers butter-churning. It covers pastry-making. It covers the bling and the threesomes with peasants. It covers the sanctity of Old World customs and the rewards of quality, homemade craftsmanship. But most of all, it covers plunging necklines. Actually, strike that -- those are pretty much uncovered.

This video is exactly what it would look like if one of those bars that Bill Hader's Stefan character used to talk about on Weekend Update came to life. This video has everything.

I gave you the original version -- which has over 40,000,000 YouTube views in the mother country -- but the English-language version works almost as well. If there's ever a chance Eastern Europe can produce its own "Gangnam Style," now is the time, and this is that chance. This will bring warring factions together and a newfangled Shangri-La will pop up just west of Warsaw.

Thank you all for participating in Eurovision Song Contest 2014. Don't forget your gift bags.