Song Of The Day 1/15/2015: Reggie Stepper - "She Can Tek the Sting"

Chaste Portraits of Caribbean Life: I’m beginning to think this week might have been a mistake. The protests have turned confrontational. I’m barricaded inside the office. I can’t keep out the strains of 70-something harpies breaking out into “The Battle Hymn of the Republic.” There’s a threatening telex from the Caribbean Tourism Organization on my desk. They want to confiscate my Mighty Sparrow records. I’m hearing distant footsteps in the corridor.

I thought practical, wholesome Caribbean-based songs – like today’s cautionary tale about bees – would get all these moral arbiters off my back. I thought James Dobson would give me mad props from whatever back of a gas station Focus on the Family broadcasts from. I thought Mike Huckabee would send me a gift basket. I thought I’d get off the no-fly list. Now all I have are a bunch of irate mosquitoes with robot arms, none of whom appear to have bathed since the Johnson Administration. It’s just really…

Crud! Someone just broke down the door! Which is an achievement in itself because it’s a revolving door! I hear thudding boots, I see a jangling shadow, I smell more Axe Body Spray than I even thought existed. Holy shiitake, he’s holding something blunt and heavy over my head! He’s politely waiting for me to finish this paragraph and then I think he’s gonna do something!

Who is it? Oh, my God, it can’t be! It’s… it’s…

(Join us tomorrow for the disappointing conclusion.)