Other things that'll happen when an earthquake wipes out the Pacific Northwest

Not covered in The New Yorker:
  • Washington State Ferries to offer new direct service to Spokane.

  • CenturyLink Field to offer new split-level luxury suites.

  • Bellevue Square will get a moat.

  • There will be no more hipsters in Capitol Hill.

  • There will be no more hipsters in Belltown.

  • There will be no more hipsters in Ballard.

  • The Seattle Weekly will publish an article titled "Where Have All the Hipsters Gone?"

  • Initiatives to "clean up" Aurora Boulevard and South Tacoma Way will finally start reporting solid results.

  • Light rail will finally come to the Eastside because it will have physically moved there.

  • Experience Music Project will get perfectly even walls and ceilings.

  • Extra janitorial shifts at the Dale Chihuly glass museum.

  • Building height restrictions to be the same pretty much across the board.

  • Jimi Hendrix Park will have new feature commemorating the time he set his guitar on fire at the Monterey Pop Festival.

  • The Museum of History and Industry to offer a new virtual fantasy exhibit called "Travelling South on I-5."

  • The Space Needle to be renamed "The Phonograph Needle."

  • The Mariners will finish another season below expectations, but few will blame management.

  • The Skagit Valley Herald will publish an article titled "What Do We Do With All These New Hipsters?"
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