Song Of The Day 10/18/2015: The Louvin Brothers – “Satan Is Real”
A Dream Date With Satan: Part 1
Paul Pearson The Blog: Cranberry and club soda.
S: Come again?
P: Cranberry and club soda.
S: Oh. Interesting.
P: What’s interesting?
S: Huh? Oh… nothing.
P: C’mon. What’s interesting?
S: Well… not to boast or anything, but you’re sitting with the King of Vice here. Maybe you’d wanna have some alcohol? You know, kiss up?
P: Oh. No. No, I wouldn’t. Nothing personal.
S: Not even a shot of something? It’ll just take a second.
P: No thanks. Again, nothing personal. No offense.
S: None taken.
P:…
S:…
P:…
S: So, um… Hi. I’m Satan.
P: Hi, Satan. I’m Paul.
S: Nice to make your acquaintance.
P: Likewise.
S:…
P:…
(Waitress approaches)
Waitress: Hi. Can I get you two something to drink to get started?
S: Yes. Can I have a Rum Martinez?
W: Excuse me?
S: A Rum Martinez. First you fill a teapot and strainer with wood chips, then toast the chips to ignite a small flame. Pour the rum from the decanter into the teapot—with the chips still smoking—and let sit. Use the same wood chips and a smoke infuser to fill the decanter with smoke. Then you stir 45 milliliters Ron Zacapa Centenario 23, 45 milliliters vermouth, one teaspoon maraschino and one dash bitters into a glass with ice, then strain into the decanter. Add the rum, cap the decanter, and gently swirl the mixture to let the flavors blend. Finally you slowly pour the decanter contents into a low cocktail glass and serve with a light cigar.
W: Okay. I’ll relay that. Sir, what about you?
P: … Um… cranberry and club soda.
W: Okay.
P: First you take some cranberry juice, and then you…
W: I think I got it.
P: Oh. Sure. Okay. Thanks.
(Waitress leaves)
S:…
P:…
S:…
P: I like your sweater.
S: Oh, thanks. I’m normally not much of a sweater person.
P: That one looks good. I like the boomerang pattern on the sleeves.
S: Yeah, I wanted something to suggest that I was fleet of foot, but I didn’t want wings.
P: Ah. Well, that’s very subtle.
S: And it’s not because of the whole angel deal.
P: The what?
S: Not having wings. It’s not because angels have wings. It’s an artistic decision.
P: Oh. That hadn’t crossed my mind.
S: I didn’t want it to look like the Goodyear logo.
P: That would have been tacky.
S: Yeah. I like your shirt.
P: Oh, thanks. It’s the only orange shirt I own. I liked the dragons on it too.
S: Yeah, you look like you belong in a Mongol bowling league.
P: That’s a compliment?
S: Where I’m from, sure.
P: All right. Well, thanks.
S: You’re a little freaked out, aren’t you?
P: Huh?
S: Freaked out. You keep looking at the ground.
P: Oh, no, that’s just…
S: Look, if the whole Prince of Darkness bugs you, don’t let it. I don’t have the energy these days. We’re just having a nice, informational, get-to-know-you dinner. I don’t truck in spectacles these days.
P: Oh. Why’s that?
S: Lots of reasons. For one thing, there’s…
(Waitress returns.)
W: All right, here’s a cranberry and club soda for you, and your Rum Rodriguez.
S: That’s Martinez.
W: Whatever. It traumatized our bartender either way. We're out of cigars. Have you decided what you’d like for dinner, sir?
P: Yeah, I’ll have the rib-eye, rare, with the garlic mashed potatoes and the grilled mushrooms.
W: Good choice. You, sir?
S: How is your filet de bœuf?
W: It’s very good.
S: How do you serve it?
W: What did you have in mind?
S: Well, I was fancying a red currant sauce with green peppercorns, but I’m not a fan of jelly. Can you make it without using jelly?
W: I don’t see why not.
S: Or maybe a nice brandy mustard sauce, with crimini mushrooms and some moutarde de Charroux? Have you that mustard?
W: I… I can check…
S: Or a Merlot reduction with shallots. I could do that. I’m not that lofty. How recently did your kitchen staff harvest the fresh thyme?
W: I think they cut it from the organic garden yesterday.
S: Oh, that won’t do then. Maybe something with pancetta and cream, something that’s not too overbearing though.
W: I’m afraid we don’t have pancetta. We have applewood-smoked cured bacon.
S: Hmm. Well, let’s just go back to my first impulse and go with the red currant/green peppercorn sauce.
W: All right. Medium rare?
S: Closer to rare than medium. I’d also like roasted Brussel sprouts with pickled-fennel agrodolce, and I suppose I’ll sample the funghi trifolati as well.
W: Okay. I’ll bring your bread out in a second. Would you like regular or herbed butter?
S: Oooh, what herbs?
W: Tarragon, chives and Pasilla de Oaxaca chiles.
S: Oh, yes, the herbed butter then. Is that okay with you?
P: Absolutely.
S: Wonderful. Oh, one more thing: Have you any Kraft American Singles?
W: Excuse me?
S: Kraft American Singles. Do you have any?
W: …
S: Still wrapped, preferably.
W: Sir, I… heh… I don’t think a restaurant of this caliber would have Kraft American Singles handy.
S: No?
W: No. We have Gorau Glas, a nice Rogue River bleu cheese, some caciocavallo podolico…
S: Right, all very well, but I’d like some Kraft American Singles, and I think you have some.
W: I’m sure we don’t.
S: I think you do.
W: We don’t.
S: (eyes glowing red) I think you do.
W:…
S:…
P:…
W: I’ll go to Costco.
S: Splendid. Thank you, dear.
(Waitress leaves)
S: Now then! Where shall we start?
P: You know what? I think I’m gonna have a drink after all.
Part 2.
