Song Of The Day 4/12/2013: The Merry Dragons - "Universal Vagrant"

An oddity from '60s garage punk, penned by the classic songwriting trio of Feldman-Goldstein-Gottehrer (plus a guy named Farrell), and containing one of the more peculiar stories of disenfranchisement on record. This guy's a train wreck wherever he goes. "Universal Vagrant" contains this invaluable lyric, which forced my hand to post it up here today: "I was banned in Boston/ Sent up in old St. Lou/ Arrested by the ASPCA for eatin' some dog food."

This is all new to me. Firstly, I had no idea the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals had the power of arrest. And secondly, I didn't know it was illegal for human beings to eat dog food. I mean, it's certainly not accepted in polite society, but making it punishable by fine or imprisonment sounds like an over-extension of the social more police. I'm not suggesting we over-compensate either, by suddenly developing some sort of foodie or haute cuisine scene with dog food, in which we band together to give nobility to nourishment that used to be taboo, or just overlooked, like we've done with mac-and-cheese. That's not what I'm saying. I don't think there will ever be a way to dignify human consumption of dog food. I don't care if you turn it into a mousse, or a parfait, or a terrine. I don't care if you send Ferran Adrià a case of Milk-Bones, a soldering iron and some Thai basil and tell him to go to town -- you are just not going to be able to elevate dog food to a level where it will become palatable for humans.

But that doesn't mean it should be illegal.

Write your Congressman.


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