Song Of The Day 12/19/2014: Mike Douglas - "Happy Birthday, Jesus"

Christmas Week: Holy crap in a cannelloni, it's freakin' Christmas Week. As you'll notice, this year I've reduced the number of days that I'm featuring Christmas music from 14 to 7. Quite frankly last year I felt like I was handing you two full weeks of dreck. Errr, make that, two full weeks of dreck that wasn't necessarily that funny. So I slashed it to one week this year. You could consider it my personal war on Christmas, but last night on Late Night With Seth Meyers Bill O'Reilly said the War on Christmas was over and declared himself (representing Christmas) the winner. So there is no War on Christmas for me to wage. I'm kind of disappointed, honestly. What am I going to do with all this chloroform?

I understand Christmas was allegedly about celebrating the birth of someone named Jesus. Well, actually I heard it started out as a pagan solstice ritual in which druids and their assistance spread some kind of seed all over their crops to make licorice grow or something like that, but opportunistic clerics borrowed the holiday and turned it into a celebration of Jesus' birth. They were some crafty clerics. In later years Christmas was co-opted by Sam Walton so he could unload a bunch of batteries he had in surplus, but then TV host Mike Douglas got a bunch of Annie auditioners in the same room to remind kids that Christmas was really about Jesus' birthday and punishing audio engineers who'd given a producer a little too much lip. One week, you bastards! Ahhhh-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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