Song Of The Day 1/3/2015: Harvey Scales & the Seven Sounds - "Funky Football"

We're now about to enter a three-weekend period during which I will be largely unavailable for public appearances like bridge ribbon cuttings or polar bear jumps, so just leave a message with Brenda.* The NFL playoffs are beginning tomorrow, so the next three weekends hold nothing for me but unprompted grunts, squeaks, avoiding questions from my children and food served in tube-shaped form. This even includes wild-card weekend, during which my #1-seeded Seahawks are resting up.

Doesn't matter. I'm going to watch all four of the games. I'm even going to watch games with teams whose appearances in this tournament are largely ceremonial since they have no chance of going any further (Colts-Bengals). I'm going to watch a game in which a team that had to be admitted according to constitutional bylaws (Panthers) may likely beat another team whose starting quarterback was just cobbled together by an Italian puppetmaker who's never seen American football in his life (Cardinals). I'm going to watch a team who I forgot were still around (Ravens) going against one of the only two teams this weekend who have a chance to make a deep run in the playoffs (Steelers); I'm going to watch a team evenly divided between superstars and gum-snapping fourth-grade lugnut punks (Lions) going against the other one (Cowboys). And then next week I'll be at Century Link doing my impersonation of a mentally unbalanced circus freak as I watch the Seahawks continue their crusade.

I accept nacho cheese sauce via Tupperware bowl or fire hydrant if you're inclined to make a drop. See you Monday.

* (For reasons unclear even to me I've decided to give myself an imaginary personal assistant named Brenda this year. I've earned it, goddammit. Brenda, my pills! Ready, aim... ow!)